Sorry about the delay in posting. I needed to pray and decide on the direction of this blog. I wasn’t sure if I wanted daily little things or just focus on the ideas. I prayed, thought about it and decided just to post about my life. So here we go:
It’s been a while so here are a couple of updates:
Hubby’s eye thing has gone away without any treatment or further testing. I will pray it stays away.
Kate’s eye surgery is now on the 19th of April. I was told it would be March 15th. I was told they would get clearances and check with the insurance company. They did NOT tell me it had to be moved because there was a backlog of patients needing procedures. They did not even mention it may not be that day. They were NOT planning on calling me to tell me. If I had not called to see if there was going to be a procedure that day (I called because I need to make babysitting arrangements for my boy) I wouldn’t have heard from them till who knows when. I was afraid they would call the night before and I would be scrambling for a babysitter. They DO call me back that same day to see if it would be alright if her follow up appointment is with another doctor since hers in on vacation that week. That IS worth a phone call 6 weeks ahead of time. I do get to see the doc the place is named after. Maybe he is just booked that far ahead? Anyway. It is not a big procedure but it does require her to go under general anesthesia. Which I don’t like. Not. One. Bit. They probably won’t let me watch or be their either….errrr. I will definately be praying in the waiting room.
No on to the post for the day:
My precious baby girl who is over 2 wanted pull ups. I have this philosophy on potty training: no kid ever goes to college not potty trained. I don’t rush it and let them decide. I encourage them to go but don’t force it. I tried to do the whole traditional potty training thing when my boy was 18 mos. old. Way too messy, too time consuming, and too much laundry. I am just not that committed to it. Once my boy decided that he wanted underwear, he never looked back and I rarely had extra laundry to do.
So now my Kate wants to be a big girl and go potty like everyone else. She is my last child and so all these new things begin the closing of the babyhood years and moving on to the next chapter in our lives. I know it will be fun and exciting, but I am a little sad to be closing these doors permanently. Being a good momma, I go and buy her some pull ups. She is pleased as punch and enjoys going potty. She only put something in the potty once this whole week but does enjoy the practice.
Last night as we are sitting in the living room, Kate says she has to go potty so I let her go into the bathroom herself. I have this thought wander through my head “You really shouldn’t let a 2 year old go to the bathroom by herself”. What are the odds she is going to do anything? 98 percent of the time she does nothing. A minute or 2 later I hear whining coming from the bathroom. I go investigate and find a puddle on the floor right in front of the kid potty. I figure she didn’t make it in time. I am pretty happy she at least realized she had to go and was in the right room. I then look in the potty and see a little pee. Then it dawns on me: Kate made it to the potty. She didn’t spread her legs when she sat down, hence the mess. I have been spreading her legs when she sits down but apparently not telling her to. Well now she knows. Lesson learned. Thankfully she is a little thing and didn’t make much of a mess. I also learned that when odd thoughts like “You really shouldn’t let a 2 year old go to the bathroom by herself” wander through your head, maybe the Holy Spirit put them there to save you a mess. I did make a big deal that she went potty but if I had avoided the mess clean up part, the whole event would have been happier for me. Note to self: listen to those little voices in your head: It may be God trying to help you out.
I sit here at my computer desk feeling cold. I can feel on my legs where my socks end and its cold! The thermostat is at its evening temp of 65. Winter has finally shown up. It is very windy here and in the 20’s outside and heading down into the teens tonight. Last night I had the opportunity to go downtown and serve the homeless. It was in the 30’s with no wind. There was some misty snowy stuff going on all evening. I was dressed warmly with long johns, snow boots, heavy coat, hat, gloves…the works. After 3 hours outside, I was chilled to the bone. I now know which foot has poorer circulation (my right… those toes got cold!) It took over an hour inside my warm house to get the chill out of me. I felt for the people I met that night that wouldn’t have that opportunity. Tonight I feel really bad for them because it is bitterly cold out there. I want to help them but I can’t. So tonight every time I think “I’m cold”, I will thank God for my “cold” house and pray that He helps the homeless stay warm tonight. It’s a little something I can do.
It’s the little things
After helping last night, I had this realization. I want to make a point to do God’s work daily in my life. Part of me thinks that this will require some sort of drastic life change or sacrifice. Doing God’s work is important and must require big, sacrificial steps, right? WRONG
Last night I got to do God’s work. I was able to help show God’s love. I handed out food, drink, blankets & clothing to the homeless. It wasn’t scary. It wasn’t complicated. I showed people that they are thought of and worthy of respect, conversation, and being taken care of. What did it take on my part?
Staying up a little late.
Talking to people.
Sharing my time.
Losing a little sleep.
I realized it ain’t that complicated doing God’s work.
I’ll admit it, I am a Facebook junkie. I spend a lot of time on there seeing what friends are up to and what deals (I loooove a good deal) are being posted & discussed. Today this was on my news feed : ”Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives.” ~ Francis Chan”- from the I Am Persuaded page.
This got me thinking. I have been worrying about a couple of things going on this week. My 2 year old has an eye doctor appointment because her tear duct opens beside her nose and not into her sinuses like it should. Some procedure will have to be done to correct this physical defect. Being a good momma, I worry a little that they will find something else wrong or it will be a bigger problem than that. Also, Hubby has been complaining that part of his vision in one eye goes a little grey from time to time. He just had his eyes checked and the eye doc said they were fine. If it continues it could be a sign of a brain tumor. As hubby is not even 2 years post chemo, cancer is still a very real threat to me.
So I think about that quote and immediately disagree. Do I trust God? Yes. Do I believe He will take care of this according to His will? Yes. Why then do I worry? Because His will and my preference are not always the same. I know full well that just because God loves me doesn’t guarantee freedom from pain, suffering, and/or annoyance. God may full allow my child and/or husband to be ill. It isn’t practical to believe that He will spare me from anything unpleasant. There is that word again: practical. I have to remind myself- Faith isn’t practical. I am required to turn over my worries to my God and trust that regardless of the outcome, in the end, it will be for His great glory and kingdom. “…The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord”-Job1:21
Anyway, what does worrying get me? It won’t fix anyone or anything. It wastes my time and energy. It puts me in a bad mood and I am not nearly as patient with my children. Then I feel bad because I am not being patient with them. Honestly, it won’t change what will happen; only what I am doing now. I will CHOOSE to trust that God will handle it better than I ever could, and let Him worry about it. He won’t worry because He already knows how the story plays out. I find that thought comforting. Maybe I will have to agree with that quote afterall.
I am earnestly trying to do what God wants me to do. I want to go about the Lord’s work every day. Last week, I agreed to go visit a sister in Christ that I only know online. She seemed down and I felt this pull to go see her. I can only go on Fridays since my boy is in preschool the other days. She usually works different hours because of her job. It just so happened that she was on vacation this week so we could meet up on Friday. God’s timing. When my dear friend heard that I was driving 2 hours to go give someone a hug, she graciously offered to watch my 2 kids so we could converse without being interrupted. So I got a 2 hour car ride by myself! To a mom with 2 young children, time alone is wonderful and rare. So I played my music loud and sang along and had time to pray for all my friends without interruption. It was very nice. Till I got a little lost. That was not so nice.
½ hour later than I wanted to, I arrived. We chatted, had lunch, did a little shopping. I made a new friend. We have some things in common (Dollar Store love, spend too much time on the computer, tuna fish must be cold). Even though she is not so into chocolate, we got along well. She is going through a very tough time. She shared some pretty serious stuff. Serious stuff. It caught me off guard and got me thinking. Maybe the work God has for me is serious stuff. Not just some let’s try make someone feel better or let’s play around with the notion of doing His work daily. Maybe it is save someone’s life serious. One person at a time. Just by taking time and showing love. His love.
Earlier today my son Alex, age 4, asks to go to McDonalds for lunch. I say, in typical mom fashion, “We’ll see.” I have this thing for sweet tea so I was kinda looking forward to lunch there. Then there was screaming and crying because I turned off the TV. Later, there was more crying and refusal to go upstairs and get his clothes. I remind him about his wish to go to McDonalds. I then ask him again to go get his clothes which he begrudgingly does. As he is getting dressed he asks me, “Momma, can we go to McDonalds please?” (note the manners there). I say, “You have to earn it.” He immediately screams, “But I don’t want to earn it!” As he is screaming this I can’t help but think, “Thank you Lord that I don’t have to earn Your grace.” I would never be able to behave well enough to earn it. Thankfully it is freely given without price. Maybe I will grace my boy to lunch. Lord knows he didn’t earn it.
Welcome. I write this blog as a way to share my opinions on things through my unique and Christian perspective. I am striving to turn my life completely over to God, doing His will in all things. I am s l o w l y getting the hang of it. I admit, I don’t always get it right but I am a willing spirit. God put the idea in my head to do this blog about a year ago. I move slow on ideas like this. He knew it would take that long for me to get around to it. He’s smart like that.
Why did it take so long?
For one thing, I was not 100% certain God wanted me to do it. I am not always sure I hear what God wants me to do. I wish He would use a megaphone! Or a burning bush. Though if He did speak that clearly, I may think myself crazy and still not do what He requested. He speaks to me in the quiet stillness of my mind. As a woman, my mind is not ever still. Ever. OK, once, but I was clinically depressed. Seriously. It takes a concerted effort on my part to “Be still and know I am God” (Psalm 46:10 and yes I had to look that up. Memorizing the Bible isn’t my strong suit). Another, and probably the most compelling reason, is I just didn’t want to. Didn’t want to take the time or make the effort. I didn’t want to share this particular story.
A year ago this very day, I had a miscarriage. Broke. my. heart. I really shouldn’t have been surprised. The statistical odds of me getting pregnant were very slim. We weren’t trying to get pregnant . We didn’t want another child. Yet for the very short time I was pregnant, I was thrilled. I never once considered miscarriage. I believe in a God who can and does do miracles. I did not doubt for one minute that He had the ability to give us this child. I thought it was a new, joyful adventure to put behind the horrendous year that was 2010. I did not doubt my God. He can do anything. Then I had the miscarriage. I was sad. I was angry. I felt betrayed. It was one of the few trials of life I have specifically asked the Lord to spare me from. I thought He had agreed to it. It did take us 3 years to get pregnant with my first child. And now, 4 years and 2 kids later, this was happening. To me. It felt like such a personal attack. Taking the one thing I wanted to be spared from and dumping it on me now after a solid year of turmoil. For what purpose? It’s not like more than 2 people knew about it (yes, I know I am now I’m telling the world…see how He does that).
As the days went by I had this revelation: If I hadn’t been so confident in my God, the thought that I may have a miscarriage may have crossed my mind. Maybe I wouldn’t have taken it for granted that the pregnancy would be fine. Maybe I would have been a little more cautious about the pregnancy. It wouldn’t have surprised me as much if the thought had crossed my mind once. This is what I got for believing my God can do anything: elevated hopes that fell a little farther when smashed than the ones of those who don’t believe. I wasn’t being pratical about it. Faith isn’t practical. It’s the price you pay when you walk this walk. Would I trade my faith in a God who can do anything for a little less shock when things go awry? Not for a second. It’s a small price to pay. The rewards are even better.